I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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