Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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