some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
