she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
