Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
