My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
