im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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