Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
