So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
