I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
