He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
