I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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