how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
