I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
