So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
