I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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