Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
