So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
