Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
