i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
