I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
