I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
