There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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