I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
