I heard we made out
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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