I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
