The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sober January is a disaster.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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