We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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