census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
