Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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