I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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