Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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