Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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