I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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