living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
