I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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