And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
