I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
