For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
