Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
