I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
