I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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