that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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