we're chasing vodka with high fives
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
