no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
