i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
