I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
