Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
