There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
