found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
