even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
